Gratitude in the relationship between a Master and a kajira (slave) is something far deeper than a polite "thank you". It is not merely etiquette, but a spiritual and existential stance – something that permeates the entire relationship and gives it deeper meaning. In my view, it is one of the foundations of an M/s relationship – especially a Gorean one. It can be understood in several ways.
First, one can speak of existential gratitude. A kajira (slave) often feels gratitude already on the most basic, existential level. She is grateful for having been seen by the Master; for the fact that her desire to realize herself through obedience can be lived and fulfilled at the Master’s side. That she can fulfill her need for hierarchy within the relationship, having a clearly defined place within it. That through a hierarchical structure she can realize her femininity and her desires within clearly defined boundaries. This, then, is gratitude for a place in a hierarchy – one she needs in order to feel happy.
Closely connected to this is the second kind of gratitude: gratitude for guidance. Gratitude toward the Master as a guide who takes upon himself the burden of many decisions, as well as the burden of responsibility for both of them. Of course, this does not mean that all responsibility for the relationship in an M/s dynamic rests solely on the Master’s shoulders. However, the Master always has the "final word", and therefore his responsibility is particular and unique. He also delegates tasks. Gratitude for guidance arises from the awareness of this fact and from the inner relief that there is someone one can calmly and trustfully follow, someone to whom one can submit.
The third kind of gratitude is gratitude for expectations and discipline. The Master’s guidance is not only leadership and care. In return, the kajira offers the Master her service and submission – absolute obedience. But together with all this – with the exchange of power, hierarchy, and submission – there is also discipline and severity. Punishment, commands, and rules are gifts. They are a form of the Master’s attention and an expression of his engagement in guiding her. Therefore, one should also be able to feel gratitude for them and strive to express that gratitude, even though it is not always easy.
The types of gratitude mentioned so far focus on the inner world – on feeling. Yet all of them are connected to external gratitude: sensory, bodily gratitude, manifested through concrete, outward gestures – not only words. This may be kneeling, lowering one’s gaze, or showing joy in service while performing everyday duties.
Gratitude – in my opinion and in the spirit of Gorean philosophy – is therefore not an addition to the relationship, but its core. One of its foundations. Without felt and expressed gratitude, a Gorean slave would be nothing more than an executor of orders.
Based on my own experience, I can say that gratitude is one of the elements that gives meaning to obedience. In the sense that without gratitude, service becomes an empty ritual – a duty to be "checked off". If I, as a submissive person, were to stop feeling gratitude... Well. That would mean there is a problem, and that something very wrong is happening in the relationship. The Master would have reason to worry.
Gratitude is strongly connected to the awareness that not everything is owed to me, and that what I receive is a gift. That every word, every command, every sign of attention is something given, but that can also be taken away at any moment if the Master so decides. Because it is he who holds the power. Gratitude helps me not fall into pride, teaches humility, and allows me to take joy in small things – to appreciate details.
Should only the slave show gratitude in the relationship? In my opinion, no. Absolutely not. Gratitude on the Master’s side is also very important, and I have the impression that it is very often forgotten and not spoken about. That is a mistake. Of course, for obvious reasons, it will have a completely different character than the slave’s gratitude. Because the Master, purely theoretically, does not have to show gratitude. He does not have to do anything. Because he is the Master. And the kajira’s duty is simply obedience, regardless of everything else. However – and here again I write based on my own experiences and observations – it is very important to me that the Master sometimes expresses that gratitude.
Personally, I treat gratitude as a form of nonverbal communication that works in both directions. When the Master shows me gratitude (even in simple words) for what I do, for my obedience, effort, and engagement in service, it is a sign to me that I am on the right path – that the Master sees it, appreciates it, and approves of my attitude. And if that is not the case, he will tell me so and guide me back onto the right path.
No comments:
Post a Comment