Onion submission with rebellion beneath

I was in the kitchen, making dinner. When we are together, it’s part of my duties. At one point Master came into the kitchen and sat at the table. Everyone has their little quirks. One of mine is... A sudden rise of irritation to the level bordering on anger when someone comes into the kitchen while I’m cooking or baking. In my family home, ever since I learned to prepare my first dishes, everyone knew that when I’m preparing something, the kitchen belongs to me. And no one – absolutely no one – has the right to enter it until I’m finished. It’s hard to justify rationally. Nevertheless, it always annoyed me whenever someone appeared in the kitchen, even for a moment, before I finished cooking or baking. This applied to Master as well. He was usually understanding of my intolerance for other's presence in the kitchen when I was preparing something there. But Master is Master, after all, so... He absolutely doesn’t have to worry about that. And this time he didn’t.

So he came in and sat at the table. At first he didn’t speak. He just watched. And yes – that annoyed me too. Let’s be honest. If he weren’t Master, I would have thrown him out the moment he crossed the kitchen threshold...

– Am I supposed to cook as if you weren’t here at all and as if you weren’t looking at me, am I right?

– Not exactly. You are to cook as if you were my…

– But I am, Master.

– Then continue. As if every onion you slice were a prayer.

– You know what, Master? Sometimes you are really unbearable – I say with resignation.

– I know. You, on the other hand, are the one who agreed to put up with me forever – he says, smiling broadly, but there is firmness and severity in his voice. This is no joke. He slowly approaches me, places his hands on my hips and squeezes them tighter. So tightly that I feel pain and for a moment I stop what I’m doing, holding my breath.

– What now, Master?

– Now continue. And think how many times since I came in you thought you wanted me to get out. And then think how many times today you rebelled at all in your head, not as a gesture.

– And then?

– Tonight, when you kneel before me, you will tell me about it in detail. And then either I will forget everything, or you will be punished. It depends on your attitude – he says and walks away.

Damn! Does he always have to read my thoughts? Damn it! I return to the onion soup. But inside? I am already kneeling.

Gratitude in a Gorean M/s relationship

Gratitude in the relationship between a Master and a kajira (slave) is something far deeper than a polite "thank you". It is not merely etiquette, but a spiritual and existential stance – something that permeates the entire relationship and gives it deeper meaning. In my view, it is one of the foundations of an M/s relationship – especially a Gorean one. It can be understood in several ways.

First, one can speak of existential gratitude. A kajira (slave) often feels gratitude already on the most basic, existential level. She is grateful for having been seen by the Master; for the fact that her desire to realize herself through obedience can be lived and fulfilled at the Master’s side. That she can fulfill her need for hierarchy within the relationship, having a clearly defined place within it. That through a hierarchical structure she can realize her femininity and her desires within clearly defined boundaries. This, then, is gratitude for a place in a hierarchy – one she needs in order to feel happy.

Closely connected to this is the second kind of gratitude: gratitude for guidance. Gratitude toward the Master as a guide who takes upon himself the burden of many decisions, as well as the burden of responsibility for both of them. Of course, this does not mean that all responsibility for the relationship in an M/s dynamic rests solely on the Master’s shoulders. However, the Master always has the "final word", and therefore his responsibility is particular and unique. He also delegates tasks. Gratitude for guidance arises from the awareness of this fact and from the inner relief that there is someone one can calmly and trustfully follow, someone to whom one can submit.

The third kind of gratitude is gratitude for expectations and discipline. The Master’s guidance is not only leadership and care. In return, the kajira offers the Master her service and submission – absolute obedience. But together with all this – with the exchange of power, hierarchy, and submission – there is also discipline and severity. Punishment, commands, and rules are gifts. They are a form of the Master’s attention and an expression of his engagement in guiding her. Therefore, one should also be able to feel gratitude for them and strive to express that gratitude, even though it is not always easy.

The types of gratitude mentioned so far focus on the inner world – on feeling. Yet all of them are connected to external gratitude: sensory, bodily gratitude, manifested through concrete, outward gestures – not only words. This may be kneeling, lowering one’s gaze, or showing joy in service while performing everyday duties.

Gratitude – in my opinion and in the spirit of Gorean philosophy – is therefore not an addition to the relationship, but its core. One of its foundations. Without felt and expressed gratitude, a Gorean slave would be nothing more than an executor of orders.

Based on my own experience, I can say that gratitude is one of the elements that gives meaning to obedience. In the sense that without gratitude, service becomes an empty ritual – a duty to be "checked off". If I, as a submissive person, were to stop feeling gratitude... Well. That would mean there is a problem, and that something very wrong is happening in the relationship. The Master would have reason to worry.

Gratitude is strongly connected to the awareness that not everything is owed to me, and that what I receive is a gift. That every word, every command, every sign of attention is something given, but that can also be taken away at any moment if the Master so decides. Because it is he who holds the power. Gratitude helps me not fall into pride, teaches humility, and allows me to take joy in small things – to appreciate details.

Should only the slave show gratitude in the relationship? In my opinion, no. Absolutely not. Gratitude on the Master’s side is also very important, and I have the impression that it is very often forgotten and not spoken about. That is a mistake. Of course, for obvious reasons, it will have a completely different character than the slave’s gratitude. Because the Master, purely theoretically, does not have to show gratitude. He does not have to do anything. Because he is the Master. And the kajira’s duty is simply obedience, regardless of everything else. However – and here again I write based on my own experiences and observations – it is very important to me that the Master sometimes expresses that gratitude.

Personally, I treat gratitude as a form of nonverbal communication that works in both directions. When the Master shows me gratitude (even in simple words) for what I do, for my obedience, effort, and engagement in service, it is a sign to me that I am on the right path – that the Master sees it, appreciates it, and approves of my attitude. And if that is not the case, he will tell me so and guide me back onto the right path.

Soundless melody of desire

– Master, I desire you. I’m horny... I need you to fuck me – I say, because Master has taught me to speak openly and bluntly about my desire. Of course, I must remember to be respectful and that he is the one who decides. But I am allowed to inform, to ask, even to beg for sexual release, or another kind of interaction, if I feel such a need. At least, usually I am allowed.

This time Master looks at me slowly and smiles. But not just any smile. That sly smile that usually foretells good fun. His fun. Not necessarily mine.
– You may not. Today you are not allowed to say anything about your desire. Not a word. Not a whisper. You are not allowed to give any sign of how horny you are – he says.
– And if I can’t endure it, Master?
– Then it will mean that you clearly do not deserve fulfillment, because you still serve yourself more than you serve me.

His words are both a sentence and a challenge. I try to keep silent. But my body strains. The ban is, in truth, a catalyst. It only makes my desire grow... Meanwhile, he steps closer. With one hand he grabs my hair and with the other he lazily runs a finger along my waist. He starts at my hip and ends at my breast. My breathing quickens.
– Careful, because the slightest sound could cost you weeks of waiting for fulfillment – he whispers in my ear, tugging harder on my hair.

Then it gets even more intense. His fingers wander beneath my clothes, brushing the inside of my thigh, so slowly that every millimeter becomes torture. The warmth of his hand is a provocation I must not respond to.

The silence between us thickens, becoming both my gag and his scourge. I know perfectly well that this prohibition is not a momentary game. It is a ritual of submission. A manifestation of power. A test of strength. A test of my obedience and self-discipline. In this moment, my desire is no longer mine. It belongs to the Master. It is his exclusive possession, his conquest, his instrument of control. And I know that if I break this silence, I will lose not only fulfillment but the very meaning of my service.

So I remain silent. Deep inside, I scream and burn. And I pray in silence not to go crazy and to persevere. Because sometimes what you are not allowed to say is the most arousing of all. And my outer silence becomes an intimate song whose melody only the Master knows.