Absurd logic of obedience

It was evening. We were together. I was hoping for something more. Honestly, I'm not even sure what exactly, but when the Master told me a few hours earlier that he was going to take care of me that day... Well. I'd imagined it very differently.

What did this "taking care of me" look like? The Master settled comfortably onto the bed and began issuing commands. Various commands. Strange ones. Meaningless ones. One after another. When he began, I was kneeling – as usual – in nadu. Barely had I completed one command before the next one came.

The first:
– Stand up.
The second:
– Turn your back to me.
The third:
– Kneel.
The next:
– Stand up again.
Then:
– Bara.
Another:
– Nadu.
Yet another:
– Stand on one leg and stay that way until I tell you that's enough.
A different one:
– Bark like a dog.
Then:
– Do five squats.

It went on for about an hour. Some of the commands were repeated from time to time. All of them were equally pointless. After the first few minutes, I began to feel irritated. After a dozen or so minutes, annoyed. By the end, I was genuinely angry and struggling not to show it openly.

The Master would've had to be blind and stupid not to notice. And yet he didn't react. He continued. Meanwhile, I was fighting with myself. My fundamental need to see meaning and purpose in everything I do was sounding every alarm. But I remained silent. I clenched my teeth. I carried out one command after another because he – my Master – was giving them. Outwardly? Without protest. Without questions. But with growing frustration inside. When's this going to end, and what's this even supposed to mean? Why's he doing this? Why are we doing this?

I didn't ask those questions out loud. Instinctively, I sensed that this wasn't the moment for questions. That if I spoke, I'd lose. I didn't know exactly what, or with whom. To him, or to myself? I also knew that I probably wouldn't have received an answer at that moment anyway.

Eventually, silence fell. No new command came. I froze in place. I waited for quite a while. Nothing happened. Finally, I gathered my courage and asked, as calmly and politely as I possibly could:
– Why were you giving me all those commands, Master? Was it some kind of test?
– No. It was a lesson. I am pleased. You carried out every command immediately and without hesitation, despite your reluctance.
– A lesson in what, Master?
– In the fact that a command does not need a purpose in order to have value. The value of a command is obedience itself.

And then I understood. Giving and carrying out commands isn't always about a goal. It's about rhythm. About a state of "yes" that doesn't require justification. Being a slave doesn't simply mean serving. It means serving someone who has the right not to explain. The moment I realize this frees me inwardly more than any logic ever could. All my irritation and anger vanish instantly. I walk over to the Master and kiss his hand.
– Thank you for this lesson, Master – I say.

Art of staying with "yes"

Obedience is not merely the art of saying "yes". It is the art of remaining faithful to that "yes" on the days when it would be far easier to say "no".

About kajira’s obedience and surrender within a Gorean community

Recently, I wrote about the difference between obedience and surrender. Often, even experienced Masters fail to perceive it. Or rather: they fail to perceive the nuances that arise from this difference. Yet it is crucial, especially in the context of service within a Gorean community. A kajira is, after all, obligated to rational obedience toward all Goreans. But what about surrender and devotion?

If the distinction between obedience and surrender is fundamental in a personal Master – slave relationship, then in service to the Gorean community it becomes even more pronounced. And far more merciless. For while surrender is possible in an individual relationship, within a communal structure it essentially ceases to make sense. It is, in fact, unattainable. At best, it may be attainable toward one or two Masters whom the slave knows well, whom she trusts, with whom she has formed some deeper, friendly bond. But generally? What remains is obedience. And only that.

In a Gorean community, it is difficult to speak of surrender in the same sense in which we speak of it with regard to one specific Master. Surrender presupposes a bond. A relationship. Personal trust, respect, often also emotional attachment, or love, romantic attachment, a sense of meaning derived from being "someone’s". Meanwhile, service to the community means being subordinate to many Free Men at once. Many variables. Many different demands. Sometimes demands that are entirely contradictory in style, character, and expectations. One cannot be surrendered to all. One can only be obedient to the rules, roles, and commands that arise from the function one fulfills.

In this sense, community service is, by definition, stripped of surrender. It is structural. Functional. External. It is based on hierarchy, norms, and procedures, but not on a bond. Not on trust (at least not on equal, deep trust toward everyone). A kajira serving a Master who is a friend of her own Master, or a Master who is a member of the same community to which they both belong, does not give her heart to every Free Man who has the right to issue her a command. She simply carries it out. That is all. Because that is her role. Because the structure requires it. Because that is how the system works. And this is not an accusation. It is a fact.

On Gor, this problem did not exist at all. Slavery and freedom were truly sanctioned legally, socially, and culturally. A kajira’s status was not a matter of choice or an internal process, but an objective fact. Her service to other men did not arise merely from her Master’s expectations, nor from agreements among the Free within the community. Slavery, in principle, was not her choice at all. A kajira was property. Simply that, and nothing more. Her obedience toward the Free required neither a bond, nor surrender, nor psychological justification. She did not need to "trust" anyone in order to kneel. She did not need to love anyone to carry out an order. Law and custom decided everything for her. Authentic surrender or devotion was a luxury, something that happened to a few, not a condition for the functioning of the system.

In contemporary realities, where the law does not sanction slavery and every form of service is fundamentally voluntary, this tension returns with doubled force. In community service, one often expects an attitude that outwardly resembles surrender and devotion: readiness, availability, self-renunciation, submission. But without the promise of a bond. Without a one-on-one relationship. Without any guarantee that the person issuing such or other commands to the slave assumes responsibility for them.

That is why service in a Gorean community rests almost exclusively on obedience. And it must rest on it. On clear rules, roles, procedures, and expectations. On what is measurable and verifiable. On what can be assessed and corrected. Not on the kajira’s inner state. Not on her heart. Not on her sense of meaning. Because these cannot be standardized or controlled.

Community service is not for everyone. Because it requires obedience devoid of surrender. It is a service of heightened risk. For although community leaders should take care that all its members (especially the Free) equally ensure safety and do not mindlessly abuse their position, this does not always succeed.

That is precisely why community service requires the ability to carry out commands even against oneself. A particular level of inner discipline. A perfect ability to suppress internal resistance and reluctance. Often far greater than in the case of serving one specific Master. Without the sense of being "someone’s". Without that intimate axis around which submission is built in a personal relationship. Unless, of course, one serves the community at the command of one’s own Master. Then it is decidedly easier, because maintaining the proper external posture and attitude is supported by the thought: "I am doing this for MY Master".

However, because of this difference, the lack of a bond, for many kajiras it is a barren, draining, and sometimes even destructive experience. Because although they can offer the community obedience, there is no place there for authentic, full, and deep surrender. And the surrender they cannot offer to the community remains unused within them. And service carried out only partially – through obedience, but without surrender – can cause greater inner pain than a complete lack of any possibility to realize oneself in one’s submissive nature.

Does this mean that community service is worse? No. On the mental level, it is simply an experience that is totally different from serving a specific Master. Even if outwardly it comes down to performing the same well-known and mastered tasks. It is more technical. More distanced. More akin to functioning within a corporate structure than to any relationship. It requires from the slave a completely different kind of maturity, different competencies, and a different type of submission. Not the total, existential one. But one that grows out of inner discipline, conscious and – paradoxically – more autonomous.

In service to the community, one does not give oneself. One gives work. Time. Competence. Obedience. And that must be enough. Where surrender is forced without a bond, falsehood appears. Where the heart is expected without a relationship, frustration and abuse are born. Therefore, an honest Gorean community should clearly distinguish between these two things. And not equate obedience with surrender. That would be like claiming that the community can replace a Master. No. It cannot. These are two entirely different dimensions of service.

Community obedience is necessary. Surrender is not. And sometimes it is even undesirable. Because surrender without an addressee falls apart, burns out, or destroys from within. And this is the price one must consciously accept when choosing to serve many rather than one. Not every slave is ready for this. And there is nothing wrong with that. But it is worth being aware of it and speaking about it openly.

My "now" and his "no"

He is fucking me. I am already close. Just one more thrust of his hips... And then suddenly, he pulls out of me as violently as he entered. Like he’s been burned. My astonishment mixes with shock. Body and mind cannot keep up. I did not expect this. Not this time. Because never before has Master taken my pleasure away like this, at such a moment.

Meanwhile, he moves away from me. He watches as I writhe desperately in the sheets, because my body clearly has not yet accepted the denial.

– Why should I give you pleasure, when you haven’t fully surrendered to me yet? You still haven’t given me complete control – he muses aloud.

– Please... Master... I... I must... Now... Let me, please – I pant heavily, still writhing on the bed. I want to come so badly I feel like crying. And I do, when he says:

– No. That’s exactly why. But don’t worry. Someday you will earn it. For now, sleep. Goodnight – he says in a gentle, warm tone, stroking my head.

And me? In this moment, I love him and hate him at the same time. And slowly, I fall asleep, sobbing softly from unfulfilled desire, while Master continues to stroke my head tenderly, playing with my hair.

The danger I desire

– Do you want to be safe?
– Yes, Master.
– Then go to someone else. I am not safety. I am the danger you crave. Although I will never harm you. To be with me, you must be aware of it and accept it.
– I’m not going anywhere, Master. I love you.

Dawn that hurts me with freedom

Every night I fall asleep with the thought of waking. I shape my dream of him, hoping that if in the evening I begin to dream while awake, then perhaps in the morning I will wake in the dreamed reality. And even if it is only fantasy, my heart has long since forgotten any other way. My soul and mind are ready to kneel before Master. Even when he is not there.

No one knows that every morning, before I open my eyes, before I even realize that I have awakened, my heart is already kneeling. My first thoughts belong to Master, turned toward him. With the forehead of my soul I am already touching the invisible floor, though I have not yet opened my eyes. My hands are already ready to carry out a command, though it has not yet come. My first conscious breath is the exhale of my own will, placed into Master’s hands. My body too awakens completely prepared, in case it is what Master requires. Complete readiness to serve. And then I fully awaken.

Everything I write here is not a metaphor. It is the reality of the daily experience of my internal enslavement. It is the reality of the inner longing to serve and to belong to someone in order to be fully myself. It is a feeling so strong it consumes me from within when it has no outlet. When it has no purpose – no Master.

The truth is that freedom chafes me. I cannot say this aloud to anyone, because most likely I would (at best) be laughed at. Or considered abnormal. But there is nothing wrong with me. It is simply that freedom, understood in the common way, hurts me.

I will wait. Patiently and humbly. My body and soul learned that long ago.

Obedience is not surrender nor devotion

There is a fundamental difference between the obedience of a submissive or a slave and authentic devotion, surrender. It is a fundamental distinction that is not always spoken about openly. I believe that is a mistake. Because simply following rules, immediately and flawlessly executing orders, proves only discipline and the ability to carry them out, and absolutely nothing more.

A slave can be perfectly obedient: carrying out orders immediately, carefully, flawlessly, with engagement, politeness, even with a smile – and yet not be surrendered at all.

Obedience is purely an external action – a specific act, a behavior. It may stem from devotion, but it does not have to. Like any action, it can be performed, forced, or even constitute a form of manipulation. One can be obedient for the sake of "keeping the peace", because it is expected, or because the punishment for disobedience would be worse. One can be obedient while feeling inner resistance, resentment, or while calculating. Suppressing resistance and resentment, however, can be learned. And as a kajira, sometimes one even has to. Therefore, obedience in itself does not prove devotion. One can kneel physically, never kneeling mentally.

To illustrate: at work I am obedient to my boss – I carry out instructions quickly and carefully, I smile, I am pleasant, sometimes I flatter – and inside I may be thinking something completely different. It is a game. He pays me, and my behavior influences our mutual relations and ensures potential benefits. It is action in my own interest.

Likewise, absolute obedience and being pleasant are in the interest of a kajira. However, surrender and devotion are something else – rarely visible externally. And at the same time, they are commonly mistaken for obedience. Meanwhile, they exist in the mind and the heart. They are not ostentatious, they are not measured by perfection, the number of learned positions, or obedience itself. Obedience can be learned or imposed. Surrender permeates the entire being and becomes part of identity.

Obedience can – indeed – result from surrender. And in the case of a Gorean slave, it even should – but it is not always so. Because it can also result from calculation, manipulation, the desire to please, to gain approval, from fear of punishment, or the desire to please the Master at the cost of one’s own discomfort. A slave should be capable of this – but it is still not devotion. It is still a decision: "I will be obedient because I have decided so in the name of X or Y".

Surrender requires faith and boundless trust. It is a psychological process, a partial negation of one’s own autonomy. It does not stem from a decision – it is motivation in itself. It begins when the slave is not obedient because "it is required" or "she chose it," but because the Master’s will becomes more important than her own. Then obedience ceases to be a decision – it becomes an unconditional reflex, something beyond will and reflection. Devotion eliminates questions such as: "do I want this"? or "why"?.

This is not about perfection. A slave may be devoted and still have temporary struggles with discipline. It may also be the opposite – perfectly obedient, but not devoted. The difference lies in the internal source of her obedience.

Obedience is measurable, visible, subject to evaluation. Surrender is not. It is fluid, develops over time, can deepen, weaken, appear suddenly, or never appear at all. Obedience is a decision and can be enforced. Surrender is not solely a matter of choice and cannot be forced – it is shaped. It depends to a large extent on the Master’s conduct: his care, responsibility, involvement, wisdom. The Master must earn it.

I know many experienced submissives – years in relationships, respected, held up as examples. Perfectly obedient. Among them are both devoted slaves and those who have never fully surrendered; they still internally negotiate, calculate, rebel. This is not visible externally because over the years they have learned to mask it. Often even their Masters are not aware of it.

Obedience is a matter of discipline or coercion. Any person can force themselves into it or be forced into it by someone else. Surrender and devotion are something more. They grow out of trust, respect, admiration, sometimes love. Obedience is enough to learn once. Surrender cannot be learned – it is built, born slowly, and can be lost if trust, respect, or the sense of safety weakens.

Obedience is fragmentary – one can be partially obedient. Surrender and devotion are holistic, permanent, independent of mood or circumstances. One can speak of the fullness of slavery only when the slave offers the Master not only obedience and service, but her entire self – her heart. And this does not happen as a result of a mere act of will.

When there is no devotion, obedience is an end in itself. When devotion is present – obedience becomes the result, an unconditional reflex. It is a subtle, but crucial difference. There are Masters for whom structure and obedience are enough. There are also those for whom it is not satisfying. And there are slaves who cannot be fully obedient until they feel devotion, respect, trust, admiration.

Readiness is instinct

– Why do you never ask if I’m ready, Master? I mean... I know you don’t have to. It’s just that... I’m curious. I always thought that...

– That sometimes I would ask anyway?

– Exactly, Master.

– I don’t do it for two reasons. First, because true readiness comes from within. It is instinct. And instinct does not need a declaration.

– And the second reason, Master?

– I know you inside out.

Leadership in a Gorean M/s relationship

When speaking about M/s relationships, we can say that the Master is someone who leads. But what, exactly, is leadership in such a relationship? It is a very specific kind of leadership. It may take on different shades, but its core will be (or at least should be, in my view) shared by all M/s relationships. I also assume, of course, that we are speaking exclusively about healthy leadership here, not its pathological distortions.

Leadership is not only domination or control, although these are, naturally, inseparable components of it. Above all, it is the art of leading – not only through strength and the exercise of power over a submissive person, but also through the conscious and responsible designation of the direction in which the submissive (and, along with her, the entire relationship) is being led.

I would therefore define the Master’s leadership in a Gorean (or M/s) relationship as the ability to combine authority with responsibility. Confidence with wisdom. Command with care. Gorean leadership is not tyranny – although it is not devoid of strictness either. This strictness, however, is deeply thought through. It is consistency and uncompromising firmness that arise from responsibility and self-awareness; from knowing where one is leading and where one oneself is headed. Such an attitude causes a kajira to want to follow a given man, trusting him and seeing him as an authority. Not only because she must, because he commands, but because she herself feels an inner imperative to act in precisely this way.

One can speak of different levels of leadership. At the most basic level, the Master directs the daily choices and practical aspects of the slave’s life. At a deeper level, he shapes her development – not only as a slave, but also as a person who finds inner fulfillment in obedience. The highest level I would call spiritual. This is the moment when the Master becomes a point of reference in everything, even when he is absent. And this does not arise from fear of punishment, but from his strong authority in the eyes of the kajira and the strong bond that connects them both.

In my own dynamic, leadership has always meant that the Master set the framework within which I could serve. Thus, he decided in which areas I had freedom to make decisions and in which I did not. His decisions were my compass - just like his reactions: calm, satisfaction, or anger.

Is there something that influences better leadership? In my opinion, several elements can be named here. In addition to the self-awareness and responsibility already mentioned at the outset, which I consider absolutely crucial to an M/s relationship, there is, above all, attentiveness. It is shaped through mindfulness, empathy, humility, consistency, (self-)discipline, and drawing from good role models. No Master will lead his charge farther than he himself is able to go. That is why it is immensely important for a Master to care not only for the continual development of his slave, but also for his own.

Weakness and trembling

Sometimes my trembling is not a sign of rebellion, but a shadow of faith. Sometimes I give in to my weaknesses. But that does not always mean a desire to escape or slip away. It is not a negation of the Master’s authority. Rather, it is a sign of slight confusion, gentle doubt, and a need for stronger guidance, greater firmness, or a "shortening of the leash". My trembling is sometimes a quiet request directed to the Master: for correction, for an indication of direction, for a stronger emphasis of his authority.

If punishment is necessary – let it be wise. If pain is necessary – let it make me better. So that the crying is not meaningless, but the tears are an expression of gratitude for attention, time, and guidance.

Onion submission with rebellion beneath

I was in the kitchen, making dinner. When we are together, it’s part of my duties. At one point Master came into the kitchen and sat at the table. Everyone has their little quirks. One of mine is... A sudden rise of irritation to the level bordering on anger when someone comes into the kitchen while I’m cooking or baking. In my family home, ever since I learned to prepare my first dishes, everyone knew that when I’m preparing something, the kitchen belongs to me. And no one – absolutely no one – has the right to enter it until I’m finished. It’s hard to justify rationally. Nevertheless, it always annoyed me whenever someone appeared in the kitchen, even for a moment, before I finished cooking or baking. This applied to Master as well. He was usually understanding of my intolerance for other's presence in the kitchen when I was preparing something there. But Master is Master, after all, so... He absolutely doesn’t have to worry about that. And this time he didn’t.

So he came in and sat at the table. At first he didn’t speak. He just watched. And yes – that annoyed me too. Let’s be honest. If he weren’t Master, I would have thrown him out the moment he crossed the kitchen threshold...

– Am I supposed to cook as if you weren’t here at all and as if you weren’t looking at me, am I right?

– Not exactly. You are to cook as if you were my…

– But I am, Master.

– Then continue. As if every onion you slice were a prayer.

– You know what, Master? Sometimes you are really unbearable – I say with resignation.

– I know. You, on the other hand, are the one who agreed to put up with me forever – he says, smiling broadly, but there is firmness and severity in his voice. This is no joke. He slowly approaches me, places his hands on my hips and squeezes them tighter. So tightly that I feel pain and for a moment I stop what I’m doing, holding my breath.

– What now, Master?

– Now continue. And think how many times since I came in you thought you wanted me to get out. And then think how many times today you rebelled at all in your head, not as a gesture.

– And then?

– Tonight, when you kneel before me, you will tell me about it in detail. And then either I will forget everything, or you will be punished. It depends on your attitude – he says and walks away.

Damn! Does he always have to read my thoughts? Damn it! I return to the onion soup. But inside? I am already kneeling.

Gratitude in a Gorean M/s relationship

Gratitude in the relationship between a Master and a kajira (slave) is something far deeper than a polite "thank you". It is not merely etiquette, but a spiritual and existential stance – something that permeates the entire relationship and gives it deeper meaning. In my view, it is one of the foundations of an M/s relationship – especially a Gorean one. It can be understood in several ways.

First, one can speak of existential gratitude. A kajira (slave) often feels gratitude already on the most basic, existential level. She is grateful for having been seen by the Master; for the fact that her desire to realize herself through obedience can be lived and fulfilled at the Master’s side. That she can fulfill her need for hierarchy within the relationship, having a clearly defined place within it. That through a hierarchical structure she can realize her femininity and her desires within clearly defined boundaries. This, then, is gratitude for a place in a hierarchy – one she needs in order to feel happy.

Closely connected to this is the second kind of gratitude: gratitude for guidance. Gratitude toward the Master as a guide who takes upon himself the burden of many decisions, as well as the burden of responsibility for both of them. Of course, this does not mean that all responsibility for the relationship in an M/s dynamic rests solely on the Master’s shoulders. However, the Master always has the "final word", and therefore his responsibility is particular and unique. He also delegates tasks. Gratitude for guidance arises from the awareness of this fact and from the inner relief that there is someone one can calmly and trustfully follow, someone to whom one can submit.

The third kind of gratitude is gratitude for expectations and discipline. The Master’s guidance is not only leadership and care. In return, the kajira offers the Master her service and submission – absolute obedience. But together with all this – with the exchange of power, hierarchy, and submission – there is also discipline and severity. Punishment, commands, and rules are gifts. They are a form of the Master’s attention and an expression of his engagement in guiding her. Therefore, one should also be able to feel gratitude for them and strive to express that gratitude, even though it is not always easy.

The types of gratitude mentioned so far focus on the inner world – on feeling. Yet all of them are connected to external gratitude: sensory, bodily gratitude, manifested through concrete, outward gestures – not only words. This may be kneeling, lowering one’s gaze, or showing joy in service while performing everyday duties.

Gratitude – in my opinion and in the spirit of Gorean philosophy – is therefore not an addition to the relationship, but its core. One of its foundations. Without felt and expressed gratitude, a Gorean slave would be nothing more than an executor of orders.

Based on my own experience, I can say that gratitude is one of the elements that gives meaning to obedience. In the sense that without gratitude, service becomes an empty ritual – a duty to be "checked off". If I, as a submissive person, were to stop feeling gratitude... Well. That would mean there is a problem, and that something very wrong is happening in the relationship. The Master would have reason to worry.

Gratitude is strongly connected to the awareness that not everything is owed to me, and that what I receive is a gift. That every word, every command, every sign of attention is something given, but that can also be taken away at any moment if the Master so decides. Because it is he who holds the power. Gratitude helps me not fall into pride, teaches humility, and allows me to take joy in small things – to appreciate details.

Should only the slave show gratitude in the relationship? In my opinion, no. Absolutely not. Gratitude on the Master’s side is also very important, and I have the impression that it is very often forgotten and not spoken about. That is a mistake. Of course, for obvious reasons, it will have a completely different character than the slave’s gratitude. Because the Master, purely theoretically, does not have to show gratitude. He does not have to do anything. Because he is the Master. And the kajira’s duty is simply obedience, regardless of everything else. However – and here again I write based on my own experiences and observations – it is very important to me that the Master sometimes expresses that gratitude.

Personally, I treat gratitude as a form of nonverbal communication that works in both directions. When the Master shows me gratitude (even in simple words) for what I do, for my obedience, effort, and engagement in service, it is a sign to me that I am on the right path – that the Master sees it, appreciates it, and approves of my attitude. And if that is not the case, he will tell me so and guide me back onto the right path.

Soundless melody of desire

– Master, I desire you. I’m horny... I need you to fuck me – I say, because Master has taught me to speak openly and bluntly about my desire. Of course, I must remember to be respectful and that he is the one who decides. But I am allowed to inform, to ask, even to beg for sexual release, or another kind of interaction, if I feel such a need. At least, usually I am allowed.

This time Master looks at me slowly and smiles. But not just any smile. That sly smile that usually foretells good fun. His fun. Not necessarily mine.
– You may not. Today you are not allowed to say anything about your desire. Not a word. Not a whisper. You are not allowed to give any sign of how horny you are – he says.
– And if I can’t endure it, Master?
– Then it will mean that you clearly do not deserve fulfillment, because you still serve yourself more than you serve me.

His words are both a sentence and a challenge. I try to keep silent. But my body strains. The ban is, in truth, a catalyst. It only makes my desire grow... Meanwhile, he steps closer. With one hand he grabs my hair and with the other he lazily runs a finger along my waist. He starts at my hip and ends at my breast. My breathing quickens.
– Careful, because the slightest sound could cost you weeks of waiting for fulfillment – he whispers in my ear, tugging harder on my hair.

Then it gets even more intense. His fingers wander beneath my clothes, brushing the inside of my thigh, so slowly that every millimeter becomes torture. The warmth of his hand is a provocation I must not respond to.

The silence between us thickens, becoming both my gag and his scourge. I know perfectly well that this prohibition is not a momentary game. It is a ritual of submission. A manifestation of power. A test of strength. A test of my obedience and self-discipline. In this moment, my desire is no longer mine. It belongs to the Master. It is his exclusive possession, his conquest, his instrument of control. And I know that if I break this silence, I will lose not only fulfillment but the very meaning of my service.

So I remain silent. Deep inside, I scream and burn. And I pray in silence not to go crazy and to persevere. Because sometimes what you are not allowed to say is the most arousing of all. And my outer silence becomes an intimate song whose melody only the Master knows.