Leadership in a Gorean M/s relationship

When speaking about M/s relationships, we can say that the Master is someone who leads. But what, exactly, is leadership in such a relationship? It is a very specific kind of leadership. It may take on different shades, but its core will be (or at least should be, in my view) shared by all M/s relationships. I also assume, of course, that we are speaking exclusively about healthy leadership here, not its pathological distortions.

Leadership is not only domination or control, although these are, naturally, inseparable components of it. Above all, it is the art of leading – not only through strength and the exercise of power over a submissive person, but also through the conscious and responsible designation of the direction in which the submissive (and, along with her, the entire relationship) is being led.

I would therefore define the Master’s leadership in a Gorean (or M/s) relationship as the ability to combine authority with responsibility. Confidence with wisdom. Command with care. Gorean leadership is not tyranny – although it is not devoid of strictness either. This strictness, however, is deeply thought through. It is consistency and uncompromising firmness that arise from responsibility and self-awareness; from knowing where one is leading and where one oneself is headed. Such an attitude causes a kajira to want to follow a given man, trusting him and seeing him as an authority. Not only because she must, because he commands, but because she herself feels an inner imperative to act in precisely this way.

One can speak of different levels of leadership. At the most basic level, the Master directs the daily choices and practical aspects of the slave’s life. At a deeper level, he shapes her development – not only as a slave, but also as a person who finds inner fulfillment in obedience. The highest level I would call spiritual. This is the moment when the Master becomes a point of reference in everything, even when he is absent. And this does not arise from fear of punishment, but from his strong authority in the eyes of the kajira and the strong bond that connects them both.

In my own dynamic, leadership has always meant that the Master set the framework within which I could serve. Thus, he decided in which areas I had freedom to make decisions and in which I did not. His decisions were my compass - just like his reactions: calm, satisfaction, or anger.

Is there something that influences better leadership? In my opinion, several elements can be named here. In addition to the self-awareness and responsibility already mentioned at the outset, which I consider absolutely crucial to an M/s relationship, there is, above all, attentiveness. It is shaped through mindfulness, empathy, humility, consistency, (self-)discipline, and drawing from good role models. No Master will lead his charge farther than he himself is able to go. That is why it is immensely important for a Master to care not only for the continual development of his slave, but also for his own.